... the hope of reconciliation ... taking it one day at a time ... forehead to forehead ... the mystery of a gaze held in the dark ... the unwillingness to leave each other ... a good read ... giving rest ...

... little kisses that can't be helped or kept in ... a needful nuzzling ... the determination to be free and clear of muck ... honesty ... the easy exchange of thoughts, opinions, views, learnings, insights ... when the undeniable instinct and need is to be close ... a good hearty meal ... new friendships with really amazing women ...

... being irresistible ... nursing the sick back to health ... nuzzling ... regression with my brother ... a peaceful meal ... efficiency ... growing up and becoming friends with my parents ... when staying together is more valuable, warmer, more loving, more stable, more cozy, funnier, more passionate, truer than being separated ...

... warm breath on bare skin ... the instinctual "don't leave me" clutch ... watching him play ... the promise of next week ...

... reconciliation ... when he remembers ... soy chai lattes from Starbucks ...

... rest and feeling at home ...

... resting in his arms ... receiving ... letting the hours while away whilst we nap, talk, hug, laugh ... recurring jokes ... anticipation of later ... that particular look of commiseration, remembrance, the twinkle in the eye ... feeling at home ... massages ...

... redemption ... fearless honesty, finally ... breaking through deception and misunderstanding and confusion ... a quiet kiss, a tight embrace, a reaching hand that says it all ... truths exchanged between eyes that cut through the dark mistiness ... tickle wars ... making plans ... knowing I am cared for in the most fervent of prayers ... knowing I am thought of all the time ...

... the careful, intimate brush of fingers against my knee ... smirky grins in the blue-lit interior of a car ... honest looks into each other's eyes ... seeing that my muscles do indeed have memory ... a dish that turns out exactly the way it should ... efficiency ...

... watching him pray ... rushing in headlong, then pulling back to savor ... late-night delicacies ... the comfort of silent and routine companionship ... working together ... falling raindrops illuminated in the shine of oncoming headlights ... waking up with happy memories ... anticipating the satisfying meal I'm going to cook for dinner ...

... a crispy, cool, even chilly and cold autumn evening ... strolling, arms brushing, drifting towards and away and towards and away ... leaning in close to hear a softly-spoken truth ... opening my eyes to see the kindest eyes looking back into mine ... myself reflected in a trusted one ... innocence asleep, without a care and without pretension ... resolution ... a surprise attention to detail: nicer, fancier, tastier, more softly-lit than expected ... being seen and known ...

... the inside joke accompanied by the warm sideways glance and one-uplifted-corner-of-the-mouth grin ... late-night, early-morning conversations in the outdoors when it's just cool enough to raise goosebumps on my arm ... anticipating vacation: time in the sun, morning quiet times, relaxing evenings ... the brush of the fingers ... washing dishes alone after a busy bustling evening ... a new outfit that makes me feel like the sh*t ...

... thought-provoking, hilarious, quiet, intimate, get-to-know-you conversation with someone with whom I don't normally get to have thought-provoking, hilarious, quiet, intimate get-to-know-you conversations ... feeling safe and enclosed and peaceful on the road ... rockin' out ... driving at night and staring up at the dark sky and noticing how the road winds and turns, but the moon stays in the same place ... discovering there are people just like me ... understanding and being understood, and acknowledging the understanding ...

... the busy bustle of Grand Central Terminal during the evening rush hour ... having choices, in life, in love, but especially at the Terminal Market which sells the tastiest spinach pie I've had so far in my life, and the Grand Harvest wine store which sells the most interestingly-named shirazes (or whatever the plural is) ... using my time efficiently ... a damn good book ... looking up and catching their eyes on me ... planning and executing the perfect recipe ... anticipating time spent with that special someone ...

... becoming happily drowsy in a comfortable, safe car ... a day of real rest ... a book so good and so gripping and so otherwordly, that when the real world beckons, it takes a few minutes to realize where you are ... the sideways look that carries tons of weight, years of meaning, and cuts deeply into your soul, making your hands shake and your belly flip ... resurrecting a meaningful CD and playing it over and over as the memories wash back ... comfortable and faded jeans that have seen the world ...

... completing a crafty project ... discovering a new recipe that's easy, quick and lovable ... frisky toddlers thinking my head is a sofa and thinking nothing of squatting comfortably on it when I unwittingly lay on the floor to relax ... wet and sticky kisses from babies who are unselfconscious about showing love ... warm glances from across the room ... the constant exchange of inside jokes ... the intimacy of revealing bits and pieces about myself to someone who wants to get to know bits and pieces about myself ... satisfying takeout food and adult conversation ... the anticipation of seeing old friends who fit comfortably like the warmest pair of flannel pajamas ...

being told that I'm beautiful ... babies smiling at me in recognition and tumbling straight into my arms for a bear hug ... a juicy, melt-in-your-mouth piece of medium-rare steak with cocktail-y steak sauce ... a well-plotted and dastardly, but hilarious plan of action ... the jump in your stomach from one well-connected glance that seems to last forever ... a cheesy postcard from a cheesy place ... having so many things that I want to do with my life and being excited to start some, nay all, of them ...

thunder that cracks so loudly and violently that you startle wide-eyed like a baby, then giggle shakily at yourself for being so scared ... lightning that flashes across the sky in jagged configurations that make you wonder where it's going ... the smell of rain ... meeting a challenge and having one of your own offered challenges be met ... the moment when a baby's curious stare changes into a charming and selfless grin of acknowledgement ...

the most pleasant of surprises ... being forgiven ... a perfect sunny and warm day with just the slightest (or not so slightest) breeze in the air ... the smell of sunscreen that reminds me of the pool and summer ... hotdogs ... baseball games ... sleepy babies that snuggle droopily against my shoulder ... milkshakes ... quality time with especial friends ... finding common ground with complete strangers ... NHF Praise Team ... a perfectly-timed hand on the knee ...

the New York Yankees ...